I say this all the time when I'm out and about. I love people, don't get me wrong. I love hanging out with friends, family, and even strangers from time to time. The problem is my social battery is extra small and low-quality. I've got an old car 1980s battery when it comes to my social tolerance.
I'm an introvert like many others, and I love being in my own space and having my alone time. I have moments where I'm talkative and can hang out for hours or days, but my energy is best when I'm alone in my own zone or with one or two other people very close to me.
If you're like me, you've had moments where you're socializing for a while, and you suddenly just need everything to end. You're ready to go home, you need your space to recharge, and you've had enough for the day.
When it gets really bad, I actually get a bit physically sick when trying to force myself to stay in a social scenario. I've had times when I had to immediately step away from a gathering and go home because I couldn't handle it in my gut.
Many of these times that this happens, I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt along with the social battery drainage. I wonder to myself, "Why can't I just hang out longer like everybody and be okay? Why can't I be normal?"
The thing I have to remind myself is that introversion is normal, and it's totally fine. Introverts need to take time for themselves to recharge so that they can be the best versions of themselves (for themselves and for others).
Trying to force extroversion when your battery is drained is a recipe for disaster. You might wind up going to or staying at a party with negative vibes just oozing out of you, and that won't be fun for anyone. Sure, there are some times were can fake it til we make it, but that isn't doing any good for your own mental health.
So what can you do when you need to take some time out to recharge? I want to share a few ideas that may be able to help you recharge for minutes, hours or even days at a time. In some cases, you will just need to leave for the day, but sometimes you can charge up just enough in faster than you would think.
I'm actively using a few of these methods on a daily thanks to the teaching and research I've received from my therapist, who actively works with me to help fight against many different anxieties that I deal with all the time.
The one thing that helps me as I go through my process and symptoms of social battery drainage is to talk to someone I trust about it. I find that talking to my husband or my best friends about the matter really helps me to release some of the built-up tension I have.
Depending on where you are and who you are hanging out with, you may be able to just walk away from a function without any stress at all because you have a relationship with the people there who understand your personal needs.
Mindfulness meditation is a technique where you take a moment to find a quiet place, a comfortable place to sit or stand, and give yourself at least 15 minutes to clear your mind and breathe. I like doing mindfulness mediations where I inhale through my nose for 5 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds, and then breathe out through my mouth for 8 seconds.
When you do this type of meditational breathing repeatedly over several minutes, you find that you can trick your body into a state of relaxation.
The real trick with mindfulness meditation is to try and clear your mind while you breathe in and out. Often when we're going through periods of stress or exhaustion, our minds are racing a mile a minute and not helping the situation at all.
I like to focus on the breathing counts that I'm doing as I inhale in and out. Sure, some thoughts may push through here and there, but I don't judge myself for those thoughts and try to focus on the numbers in my head. Even if I can't fully clear my mind, it helps.
Writing your thoughts and frustration down is a great choice when you're at a function where your social battery is draining, and you don't think it's appropriate to leave or talk to someone about it. While it may not do much, and you'll still be drained, journaling is a great way to relieve some of that stress.
This is especially true if you do it consistently over time and make it a regular way for you to disconnect for a bit without leaving. You don't need to actually have a journal on you; you can vent in your notes app on your phone.
If you're in a spot where you can take a break, go outside, and enjoy the fresh air, take that opportunity to do so! Make sure you take a break alone so that you can have a moment of peace. It's even better if you're located somewhere where the view of nature is particularly beautiful to experience. It's a great way to meditate and recharge.
This may be the piece of advice you hate the worst; trust me, I don't like it either. But I find that when I was at my most hermit self, staying all alone for the most part and working from home, my social battery was at its smallest overall.
The more consistently I went out and got more social (in small doses), the more comfortable I was with being out for longer. It's always good to have balance as an introvert and to make sure you don't climb so far into your shell that you never want to come out.
Who doesn't love a good nap now and then? Sleep is a great choice for the introvert who has to be dragged along to a social experience that lasts for hours or a full day. You will find that sleep in between social moments can really help recharge you here and then.
The sleep doesn't even need to be that long. You can try short or power naps that are 15 to 30 minutes to reset yourself a bit in terms of social energy. It won't be as great as a full night's sleep, of course, but it's better than nothing.
If you find that you are often around friends, family, or coworkers in your schedule, you will need to take extra time and energy to fight for your personal space. Time management will be crucial for situations where you can only get a few minutes or hours to yourself a day.
Get a set schedule where you can put time aside to be in your own world, even if it's only for a few minutes. Make sure that time happens consistently. Don't budge for anyone because this is a huge part of self-care for you.
Working out is almost always a good idea. A nice walk with nature and a mindfulness meditation while you walk around may be able to fully recharge your battery when you combine them! According to the CDC website:
"Physical activity can improve your cognitive health—helping you think, learn, problem-solve, and enjoy an emotional balance. It can improve memory and reduce anxiety or depression."
We all love to relate to one another in some form or fashion. Even though introverts like being in their own space, they also appreciate not being alone with that behavior pattern. I find that venting to my other introvert friends helps relieve some of my stress and tension.
You don't even have to be around other introverts to relate to one another. There are plenty of social sites and groups out there dedicated to introverts who can relate and converse with one another on the type of terms that introverts feel comfy! Let's shun the extroverts for a bit!
I have to stress this point one more time because it's the message I need to get across to myself the most! I can only imagine the pressure that other introverts put on themselves when it comes to their social battery draining. You can feel like a party pooper, a bad person, a weirdo, and tons of other negative names when you hit those low battery moments.
BUT IT IS TOTALLY OKAY!
As long as you communicate with those around you, try as hard as you can, be there in moments where you can, and give yourself the grace to be who you are, everything will work out as it should.
Don't let anyone tell you that you are a bad person for being who you are when it comes to introversion. And don't let yourself tell yourself that you are a bad person for being an introvert.
We've all had a moment in our lives where it seems like we couldn't like or accept ourselves. Whether it be physical or mental, feeling insecure is one of the worst ways to feel in the world. It seems like it could be so easy to reverse that train of thought, but the harder you try, the more difficult it can seem to get.
Insecurity comes in many different forms and affects us in different ways as well. We can have constant insecurity gnaw at us all of our lives subconsciously, or we can be hit with a huge dose of insecurity right at the peak of an embarrassing moment.
Fortunately, there are a few ways to combat feelings of anxiety and insecurity that are truly effective. One method is to read motivational excerpts from prolific writers who can provide you with daily affirmations to build your strength and confidence.
What better book to reference that can provide us with positive affirmations of our lives than The Holy Bible? The good book provides tons of advice in life about love, loss, war, sin, and so many things, but many forget that The Bible can also help you with your insecurities.
I want to share some of my favorite bible verses that have helped me through my journey of defeating my insecurities day by day. Some of these messages are stored in my personal notes for daily affirmations, and it helps to repeat them time and again to remind me of what I need.
I hope these verses can also provide you with the power and love in your heart that you are in need of at a time when insecurity may be trying to rip you apart. The first step to letting go of the load is to realize that you are not alone in this.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[a]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
2 You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.
4 Such confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever
It was easy to get away with dumb excuses as a child for not doing things, like. "my dog ate my homework". It's been pretty risky to get away with dumb excuses as a young adult for not doing things, like, "I didn't get your text". But are you sick of the excuses and ready to find more mature ways to turn things and people down?
As a struggling introvert that loses her social energy super fast, I'm sick of the excuses. I'm also trying to be a woman of God, so I want to avoid the lies, even if they can be little white or grey ones.
When it comes to social rules and regulations, a lot of things are hard to grasp and unspoken. When you have friends, family members, coworkers, or acquaintances inviting you to things you don't want to go to, it's not always appropriate to flat-out say no.
So how do you come up with a good excuse or reason not to hang out somewhere that won't be a huge lie and won't make you look like a terrible person? Below are some of the phrases I like to use that doesn't make me feel extra guilt afterward, and people don't cut me off with hurt feelings for it.
This is my go-to excuse because it's really the most honest one I have. A lot of times, I'm considering going out, there is work that I could be doing instead. So if at that moment I really don't want to go out, I will likely do some light work while I watch Netflix.
This is a good excuse to use with people who know me and those who don't know how small my social battery is. We can all relate to drained energy, and you don't even have to get specific about if it's your mental or physical energy that is drained.
This is a great general phrase that could be saying you're sick and contagious or could be saying you're feeling lazy and depressed. The only risk with this one is that there will possibly be an immediate follow-up question about what's wrong.
You can answer with any current physical or mental problem you're going through. I, for example, am suffering from allergies on a daily. While it rarely keeps me down so much that I can't function, I'm also never lying when I say my allergies bothered me that day.
Chances are, if you're dreading a hang out with a group of people, you're also going through some negative self-talk in your head. So, it won't be too much of a stretch to say that your energy is too negative to show up at the function.
No one wants to be around a negative nancy, and although you may be able to brighten your mood (or fake it long enough to hang out), you can say that you don't know for sure if you will be able to fight the funk.
This won't work for all my rich folks out there, but I, for one, can often relate to being broke in some type of way when it comes to my finances. I'm not claiming broke to the point where I'm struggling, but middle-class Americans are all BROKE from some perspective!
This is a good excuse for when you have a lot going on, but you don't want to unload all the details on the person inviting you. If you simply say this phrase with a worried look, they will likely be able to relate. It could be work, family, love life drama, health, and so many other things that won't allow you to hang out.
We've all experienced some form of anxiety in our lives because that's a huge part of human nature. I used to have really bad anxiety that still stops me from things here and there, which could be my perfect excuse for not going out.
Social anxiety is a great reason for not going somewhere, but you could also claim health-related anxiety like OCD or PTSD that is stopping you from going to a certain place or at a certain time if you want to stretch it with a white lie.
I want to end on a note that is something like a devil's advocate point of view. These can all be good reasons not to hang out with whomever for whatever reason, but even introverts like me have moments where they regret not hanging out, or they force themselves to go and wind up being grateful they did.
Before delivering your excuse, ask yourself if this is something you really should be excusing yourself from. Is this the type of thing that you drag your feet to involve yourself with but enjoy once you get there?
Is this the type of activity event where the pros will vastly outweigh the cons when it comes to the overall experience? Is this a situation where your presence will help bless someone else or several other people?
Sometimes it's great to turn down things for your own health and peace of mind, but other moments are times when you can really be a light to help shine in someone else's life.
Our view of the correct way to act in life is shaped by our past experiences. We sometimes forget that when we expect people to act how we would act in any given scenario. People are not shaped the same way we have been shaped, so you can't expect 'you' from other people.
It's hard to come to grips with this fact when you're faced with a moment of confusion when someone lets you down by not making the 'right' decision. But what is right for you may not be right for them. Or even worse, you may be objectively wrong about the correct choice to make.
When we first come into the world as little babies, we form a perception that the entire universe revolves around us. Even though that type of selfish thinking fades over time, adults are often plagued with the idea that people's mind works the same way that theirs does.
But it's not true. Our minds all work in strange and unique ways. Some of this is because of nature, some of the reason is down to nurture, and the rest is shaped by pure life experience.
We can all have different morals and different ways we process problems and life's struggles. To expect that people will make the same decisions as you as they walk through their very different paths in life is a bit silly. The more you realize this, the clearer your head will become about the situation overall.
We all have different personality traits. Some of us are extroverted and make decisions based on that fact, while others are introverted, and their need for alone time or to stay out of the spotlight can shape their decision-making process.
Many people who are generally good human beings expect that people, at worst, are about as good as they are. But there are tons of terrible folks just walking around the planet at this very moment.
A common sentiment among decent and good people, when faced with someone who makes an awful moral choice, is that "it just doesn't make sense. How could someone be so cruel or evil to another person?
Most decent people would have to be pushed to extremes to relate to that type of behavior, but many unkind people are living among us as neighbors, friends, and family members. In the case of virtue, you should definitely not expect 'you' from people.
Another common moment where you may mistakenly believe that people will make the same decision that you would is when it comes to being stuck in a vicious cycle. These cycles can include bad relationships, addictions, and complacency.
No matter how much a person can realize how bad their current cycle is, you can't get them out of it by simply telling them to do what you would do.
Think of it this way: what if you knew something that you were doing was wrong, and you knew exactly how to stop it, but you just didn't have the willpower to make it happen? It can be easy to judge someone's life from the outside in, but take a moment to put yourself in another person's shoes.
This one is especially for my ladies out there. We sometimes think that our words, our non-verbal communication, and our overall connection with someone can grant them access to reading out minds. This can be completely unfair to do!
I know what it can feel like to wish that your significant other will just do exactly what you want because they should know you. But there are so many factors that could be stopping them from being on your same wavelength, so help them with open and honest communication.
It can feel strange to get what you want to truly get out in a tense scenario, so don't be afraid to get creative with your communication methods. You can write a letter, send a voice chat, write a poem, or just take some time to gather your thoughts to present to them at a later time.