Questions To Ask Before Moving In Together

Moving in together is a significant milestone in any relationship. To ensure a smooth transition and a harmonious living arrangement, it's crucial to ask the right questions.

I moved in with my husband a few years before we actually got engaged; it's taboo, I know. But it worked out really well for us, and I think it's because we asked other great couples we know for advice, and we asked each other some or most of the questions below.

Here's a comprehensive guide to help you explore various aspects of your partnership before taking the plunge. While these are great questions, you also want to make sure there is 100% honesty in your answers. Hopefully, your partner will do the same!

House Questions

a. General Living Arrangements:

1. How do you envision dividing household chores?
2. Are you a neat freak, or do you lean towards a more relaxed approach to cleanliness?
3. What is your stance on having pets in the house?
4. How do you handle daily tasks like grocery shopping and cooking?

b. Home Decor and Personal Space:

1. How will we decorate our shared living spaces?
2. Do you prefer having separate personal spaces within our home?
3. How do you handle disagreements about the appearance of our home?
4. What are your thoughts on hosting gatherings and guests at our home?

c. Tech and Lifestyle Compatibility:

1. What are your thoughts on screen time and technology use at home?
2. How do you manage guests and entertaining at home?
3. What is your stance on having a dedicated workspace at home?
4. How do you feel about setting boundaries for personal time and space?

d. Shared vs. Individual Expenses:

1. How will we split the costs of household items and shared expenses?
2. What approach do you prefer for managing joint finances — equal contributions or percentage-based?
3. How will we handle unexpected expenses that arise in our shared living space?

Finance Questions 

a. Income and Financial Goals:

1. What is your current financial situation, including income, savings, and debts?
2. How do you approach budgeting and saving money?
3. What are your short-term and long-term financial goals?
4. Do you have any outstanding financial commitments or obligations?

b. Shared Expenses and Budgeting:

1. How will we split rent and utility bills?
2. Are you comfortable combining finances, or do you prefer separate accounts?
3. How do you feel about creating a joint budget and financial plan?
4. What is your philosophy on spending money on non-essential items?

c. Emergency Planning:

1. What are your thoughts on emergency funds and financial preparedness?
2. How will we handle unexpected expenses or financial setbacks?
3. Do you have any insurance policies or plans in place for unforeseen circumstances?
4. How do you feel about financially supporting family members if the need arises?

d. Future Financial Planning:

1. How do you envision managing finances in the event of significant life changes, such as job loss or career shifts?
2. What is your perspective on saving for major life events like buying a house or retirement?
3. How do you feel about joint investments and financial risks?

Future Of Union Questions

a. Relationship Goals and Milestones:

1. What are your long-term goals for our relationship?
2. How do you see our relationship evolving over time?
3. What milestones would you like to achieve together?
4. How do you envision celebrating important anniversaries and achievements?

b. Career and Location Preferences:

1. Are you open to relocating for career opportunities?
2. How do you balance individual career aspirations with our relationship goals?
3. What is your perspective on work-life balance?
4. How do you handle the possibility of one partner having to travel frequently for work?

c. Marriage and Commitment:

1. How do you feel about marriage, and is it something you envision for our future?
2. What are your views on commitment and monogamy?
3. How would you handle challenges or conflicts within our relationship?
4. Do you believe in seeking couples therapy or counseling if needed?

d. Family Planning:

1. Do you see children in our future, and if so, how many and when?
2. How do you feel about adopting children or alternative family-building methods?
3. What role would each of us play in parenting, and how would responsibilities be divided?
4. How do you envision balancing career and family life?

Spiritual Questions 

a. Beliefs and Values:

1. What role does spirituality or religion play in your life?
2. How do your spiritual or moral beliefs influence your decision-making?
3. Are there specific traditions or practices you would like to incorporate into our home life?
4. How open are you to exploring and embracing each other's spiritual beliefs?

b. Compatibility of Beliefs:

1. How do you handle differing beliefs or values within a relationship?
2. Are there specific spiritual or religious practices you would like to share or celebrate together?
3. How important is it for you that your partner shares similar spiritual beliefs?
4. How do you plan to incorporate your spiritual beliefs into major life events?

c. Support and Understanding:

1. How can we support each other in our individual spiritual or personal growth journeys?
2. Are there particular events or rituals that hold significance for you?
3. How do you envision incorporating spirituality into our shared life?
4. How would you handle disagreements related to spiritual or moral beliefs?

d. Open Communication:

1. How comfortable are you discussing spiritual matters, and how do you prefer to handle disagreements on these topics?
2. How do you envision maintaining open communication about your evolving spiritual beliefs over time?

Children Questions 

a. Family Planning and Timing:

1. When do you see yourself ready for parenthood?
2. How many children would you ideally like to have?
3. What are your thoughts on adoption or fertility treatments?
4. How do you envision preparing for the arrival of a child in terms of space, finances, and emotional readiness?

b. Parenting Styles:

1. How were you raised, and how does that influence your parenting style?
2. What role do you believe each parent should play in a child's life?
3. How do you feel about co-parenting responsibilities, including sharing household and childcare duties?
4. How do you plan to handle differences in parenting styles between you and your partner?

c. Education and Upbringing:

1. What values and principles do you want to instill in our children?
2. How do you approach discipline and setting boundaries for children?
3. What are your thoughts on homeschooling versus traditional education?
4. How would you address challenges related to your child's education, such as learning disabilities or special needs?

Safety Questions 

a. Emergency Preparedness:

1. How do you handle emergency situations, and what steps have you taken to be prepared?
2. Are you trained in basic first aid and CPR?
3. What security measures do you believe are necessary for our home?
4. How do you plan to address natural disasters or other emergencies that may affect our living situation?

b. Conflict Resolution:

1. How do you approach conflict, and what steps do you take to de-escalate a situation?
2. Are there any past experiences or traumas that may impact our living situation?
3. How can we establish a conflict resolution strategy for handling disagreements in our relationship?
4. How do you ensure open communication during times of stress or tension?

c. Health and Wellness:

1. What are your health habits, and how do you prioritize wellness in your life?
2. Are there any health concerns or conditions that I should be aware of?
3. How do you approach mental health and self-care?
4. How can we support each other's physical and mental well-being in our shared living space?

d. Communication about Safety:

1. How can we establish open communication about safety concerns and ensure a supportive environment for each other?
2. What steps will you take to address and communicate potential safety hazards in our living space?
3. How do you envision dividing responsibilities for maintaining a safe and secure home?
4. How will you handle discussions about implementing safety measures, such as a home security system?

I know it may seem like overkill. Hopefully, some of these answers will be things you've already shared with each other, so you can breeze past some of them.

Some of the questions also overlap, but it's good to be thorough with someone you are considering living with! Especially if you are looking for them to be a permanent part of your life in the future!