Why Don't Guys Wear Engagement Rings?

After my hubby proposed to me a couple of years back, I had a burning desire to return the favor with something that matched his taste and preferences that he would cherish. I planned out a whole thing with a dance and a song, and I proposed to him a few weeks after he proposed to me.

But as I was doing my research to find the perfect ring for him, I realized there aren't really that many options out there when it comes to engagement rings for men. Wedding bands and engagements kind of blend into one product when it comes to shopping for guys, and the market seems to be very small. 

As I was planning to propose to my boo, people were making faces when I told them my plans and saying things like, "Oh, aren't you modern." I really didn't think about how engagement rings were seemingly only for women until I got proposed to.

What's so bad about getting a guy a ring, and why aren't jewelers capitalizing on the prospect of selling more with two rings instead of one when it comes to this very special moment in a couple's lives?

I almost took offense to the whole idea that I would be the only one getting a ring for the engagement because I felt like I wasn't the only one entering the agreement, so it didn't make a lick of sense to me. Just as much as Julian saw me as the prize, I wanted to see him as the prize as well. 

History Behind Engagement Rings

One of the known reasons behind this lacking of male bling is because of the history of how engagement rings work. Before 1945, this ring was tied to a woman's virginity and used as a type of collateral. Very old-timey and a hot mess, I know. 

Back in the day, giving a girl an engagement ring allowed a man to give her a test drive, so to speak. But if he backed out of the engagement, she would be able to keep the ring that was given as a sort of insurance. And this was needed because in the olden days if you were deflowered and not wed, you would be damaged goods. 

If you were damaged goods, then you would not be able to find a husband, which would put your financial situation in grave danger as a woman in those times. But for a man, purity or virginity didn't have the same weight, so it wasn't necessary for them to get these rings. 

In more modern times, where women are more sexually liberated and able to provide for themselves financially, the rules don't really need to apply the same way that they did back in the day, but old habits stick.

This is not to say that I am a super unique case when it comes to getting an engagement ring for my man. Many other ladies have chosen to do the same shortly after being proposed to, and more modern ladies out there have decided to be the first ones to get down on one knee and propose to their man!

Should You Get Your Man A Ring?

Giving your man an engagement ring would rarely be a bad idea. It's a great way to show your man that you appreciate and cherish him as much as he does you and a good way to signify that you are entering into a partnership where both of you can shine.

If your guy is one that already into wearing jewelry and likes to be a bit flashy, getting a ring for him is a definite yes. If one of his top love languages is receiving gifts, he will absolutely cherish the ring you give him.

If you have a guy that really doesn't like to wear jewelry or a ring, in particular, you may want to try showing your appreciation for him in the form of a different gift that fits his preferences better.

Should you feel compelled like you absolutely have to get your man a ring just because he gave one to you? Absolutely not! If that's not your style, then don't try to force something that isn't natural for you. You can have a perfectly healthy engagement and marriage without giving him an engagement ring. 

It's a myth that wearing an engagement ring will make your guy less of a man, so don't subscribe to that nonsense if you hear someone spouting it around you or him. There also won't be any bad luck of you put a ring on him before the wedding. 

Where To Find Good Engagement Rings For Men

Now here's the tricky part: where to find a good ring to buy! As I previously stated, when you're shopping for an engagement ring for men, you'll likely just run across a bunch of wedding bands since the market isn't really large enough. 

You'll also run into a ton of cheap rings. The price for a guy's ring will be around 1/10th of the rings you'll see for women. While it may seem like a bad idea, a cheap ring can really come in handy for a guy that enjoys simple things and doesn't need anything that will break the bank. 

For rings on the cheaper side that are more of a token of love and great for young couples, you can find some pretty nice choices on a site like Amazon that will give you a bit of variety when it comes to sellers and designs. 

If you're looking for more premium products with rings that are designed to last for a long time, try a brand like Manly Bands, which has tons of lovely-looking rings that men are very proud to rock wherever they go. 

To avoid getting your fiance basically two bands, consider getting him a less expensive ring for the engagement and replacing that with a fancier band for the wedding. The wedding bands look just like engagement rings for men, and it's not likely that you'll find a man who will want to wear two bands.

Excuses For Not Hanging Out

It was easy to get away with dumb excuses as a child for not doing things, like. "my dog ate my homework". It's been pretty risky to get away with dumb excuses as a young adult for not doing things, like, "I didn't get your text". But are you sick of the excuses and ready to find more mature ways to turn things and people down?

As a struggling introvert that loses her social energy super fast, I'm sick of the excuses. I'm also trying to be a woman of God, so I want to avoid the lies, even if they can be little white or grey ones. 

When it comes to social rules and regulations, a lot of things are hard to grasp and unspoken. When you have friends, family members, coworkers, or acquaintances inviting you to things you don't want to go to, it's not always appropriate to flat-out say no.

So how do you come up with a good excuse or reason not to hang out somewhere that won't be a huge lie and won't make you look like a terrible person? Below are some of the phrases I like to use that doesn't make me feel extra guilt afterward, and people don't cut me off with hurt feelings for it. 

I'm Overloaded With Work

This is my go-to excuse because it's really the most honest one I have. A lot of times, I'm considering going out, there is work that I could be doing instead. So if at that moment I really don't want to go out, I will likely do some light work while I watch Netflix. 

My Energy Is Drained

This is a good excuse to use with people who know me and those who don't know how small my social battery is. We can all relate to drained energy, and you don't even have to get specific about if it's your mental or physical energy that is drained. 

I'm Not Feeling Too Well

This is a great general phrase that could be saying you're sick and contagious or could be saying you're feeling lazy and depressed. The only risk with this one is that there will possibly be an immediate follow-up question about what's wrong.

You can answer with any current physical or mental problem you're going through. I, for example, am suffering from allergies on a daily. While it rarely keeps me down so much that I can't function, I'm also never lying when I say my allergies bothered me that day. 

My Energy Is Negative Right Now

Chances are, if you're dreading a hang out with a group of people, you're also going through some negative self-talk in your head. So, it won't be too much of a stretch to say that your energy is too negative to show up at the function.

No one wants to be around a negative nancy, and although you may be able to brighten your mood (or fake it long enough to hang out), you can say that you don't know for sure if you will be able to fight the funk.

It's Not In My Budget

This won't work for all my rich folks out there, but I, for one, can often relate to being broke in some type of way when it comes to my finances. I'm not claiming broke to the point where I'm struggling, but middle-class Americans are all BROKE from some perspective!

There's Too Much On My Plate Right Now

This is a good excuse for when you have a lot going on, but you don't want to unload all the details on the person inviting you. If you simply say this phrase with a worried look, they will likely be able to relate. It could be work, family, love life drama, health, and so many other things that won't allow you to hang out.

My Anxiety Won't Let Me Be Great 

We've all experienced some form of anxiety in our lives because that's a huge part of human nature. I used to have really bad anxiety that still stops me from things here and there, which could be my perfect excuse for not going out.

Social anxiety is a great reason for not going somewhere, but you could also claim health-related anxiety like OCD or PTSD that is stopping you from going to a certain place or at a certain time if you want to stretch it with a white lie.  

Conclusion

I want to end on a note that is something like a devil's advocate point of view. These can all be good reasons not to hang out with whomever for whatever reason, but even introverts like me have moments where they regret not hanging out, or they force themselves to go and wind up being grateful they did. 

Before delivering your excuse, ask yourself if this is something you really should be excusing yourself from. Is this the type of thing that you drag your feet to involve yourself with but enjoy once you get there? 

Is this the type of activity event where the pros will vastly outweigh the cons when it comes to the overall experience? Is this a situation where your presence will help bless someone else or several other people?

Sometimes it's great to turn down things for your own health and peace of mind, but other moments are times when you can really be a light to help shine in someone else's life. 

Non-Physical Compliments 

I'm guilty of creeping on my husband multiple times a day when it comes to his physical attributes. This is not at all a bad thing on its own, but I realized that it's good to have balance when it comes to how you shower your partner with compliments.

This is especially true if you are in a relationship where words of affirmation are a top love language that your partner craves. If you're not sure if that's one of their top love languages, check out a quiz site like this and make sure they take the test! 

Sure, we're all really attracted to our partners when it comes to their physical attributes, but what else do you love about them? And how can you express your love in the form of a compliment without it sounding forced or cheesy?

There will probably be a good amount of cheese when it comes to your compliments, but the key to making it sound genuine and really touch their heartstrings is to make it really personal.

Physical compliments can be lovely to hear, but they are often so general and not personal or well-though through. Think about phrases like, "baby, you look so good," or "your eyes are so beautiful," but what unique attributes does your partner have?

Take some of my examples for non-physical compliments below. These will be particular to my husband in a lot of ways, but you can use them for inspiration to highlight some of your partners' really good qualities. My husband also has a ton of qualities that I'm sure many good men share! 

One thing I want to point out is that I've reserved the last few sentences to be ideas for compliments of gratitude. A lot of compliments can be based on gratitude and a bit of selfishness: some focus on how a person makes them feel or what they do for them.

But you want to see the bigger picture with your partner and see the good qualities that they have that aren't necessarily related strictly to you. It's always great to share how someone makes you feel, but don't forget about the other things they possess that can make others feel better as well. 

Consistent Compliments

You are such a warm presence to be around.

You're very helpful and loving, and not just to me!

You have so much patience, I need to be more like you.

I love the way you think.

You're so good to your friends and family members. 

I love the way you express your feelings and emotions in your own way.

Funny Compliments 

You need to be doing an open mic at a standup comedy show.

Are you real? (This one is one of his favorites, haha.)

I'm so happy you put up with me. (But be careful with the self-deprecation.)

You're giving off a lot of husbandly vibes right now.

You're like a superhero. (I said this on our first date, and I've said it since; he works in the paramedic field.)

You have better taste in music than I do!

Deep Compliments

You're so in tune with your spirituality and faith in a very honest way.

Your opinions matter so much, and they need to be heard; they are often spot-on. 

You have such a mature way of dealing with your anger and aggression.

I love how your actions and your words actually line up. 

I love how deep our romantic relationship and friendship roots are planted thanks to your character. 

Encouraging Compliments

Your flaws and shortcomings make you even more beautiful of a man.

I'm so proud of your growth through the years.

Your food is consistently delicious; what a chef!

You have such a positive energy to be around.

You're the type of person to get through the toughest times without breaking.

You have so many good things going for you with all of those beautiful personality traits of yours.

Gratitude Compliments 

I love the way you make me feel when I'm around you; your love feels like home.

You make me feel so secure and safe when I'm with you.

My life has felt elevated ever since we've been together.

You give me such selfless love that makes me believe in people more in general.

I love how beautiful you make me feel.

You do really great at loving me in my preferred love languages.

I'm so grateful for the efforts that you put into this relationship day after day. 

Expecting You From People 

Our view of the correct way to act in life is shaped by our past experiences. We sometimes forget that when we expect people to act how we would act in any given scenario. People are not shaped the same way we have been shaped, so you can't expect 'you' from other people. 

It's hard to come to grips with this fact when you're faced with a moment of confusion when someone lets you down by not making the 'right' decision. But what is right for you may not be right for them. Or even worse, you may be objectively wrong about the correct choice to make. 

Not Everone Plays By The Same Rules

When we first come into the world as little babies, we form a perception that the entire universe revolves around us. Even though that type of selfish thinking fades over time, adults are often plagued with the idea that people's mind works the same way that theirs does. 

But it's not true. Our minds all work in strange and unique ways. Some of this is because of nature, some of the reason is down to nurture, and the rest is shaped by pure life experience. 

We can all have different morals and different ways we process problems and life's struggles. To expect that people will make the same decisions as you as they walk through their very different paths in life is a bit silly. The more you realize this, the clearer your head will become about the situation overall. 

We all have different personality traits. Some of us are extroverted and make decisions based on that fact, while others are introverted, and their need for alone time or to stay out of the spotlight can shape their decision-making process.

Not Everyone Is As Kind As You May Be

Many people who are generally good human beings expect that people, at worst, are about as good as they are. But there are tons of terrible folks just walking around the planet at this very moment.

A common sentiment among decent and good people, when faced with someone who makes an awful moral choice, is that "it just doesn't make sense. How could someone be so cruel or evil to another person?

Most decent people would have to be pushed to extremes to relate to that type of behavior, but many unkind people are living among us as neighbors, friends, and family members. In the case of virtue, you should definitely not expect 'you' from people. 

Some People Are Stuck In Bad Loops

Another common moment where you may mistakenly believe that people will make the same decision that you would is when it comes to being stuck in a vicious cycle. These cycles can include bad relationships, addictions, and complacency. 

No matter how much a person can realize how bad their current cycle is, you can't get them out of it by simply telling them to do what you would do. 

Think of it this way: what if you knew something that you were doing was wrong, and you knew exactly how to stop it, but you just didn't have the willpower to make it happen? It can be easy to judge someone's life from the outside in, but take a moment to put yourself in another person's shoes.

People Can't Read Your Mind

This one is especially for my ladies out there. We sometimes think that our words, our non-verbal communication, and our overall connection with someone can grant them access to reading out minds. This can be completely unfair to do! 

I know what it can feel like to wish that your significant other will just do exactly what you want because they should know you. But there are so many factors that could be stopping them from being on your same wavelength, so help them with open and honest communication.

It can feel strange to get what you want to truly get out in a tense scenario, so don't be afraid to get creative with your communication methods. You can write a letter, send a voice chat, write a poem, or just take some time to gather your thoughts to present to them at a later time. 

Signs He's About To Propose To You

Men often suck at trying to hide the surprises that they have for you. The more in love with you and excited they are, the clumsier they can get. This is where you can take advantage and get the inside scoop on whether or not he's about to propose!

My husband was particularly sloppy around the month that he planned to propose, and it was hilariously adorable how he thought he was slick. He made up some story about his grandma needing to get her ring size and the fact that our fingers looked about the same. Super sloppy, sir. 

There are at two reasons you'll be able to tell that he's got something up his sleeve. First off, a lot of boyfriends can be terrible planners. This can cause them to take drastic and overly-obvious measures to get to that 'will you marry me' moment.

Another thing to consider is that he'll be super nervous about the whole ordeal. Chances are, you know how he acts in general when he's nervous or bubbly about something that's coming up, and his emotional energy will be a dead giveaway.

He Talks To Your Family More

This is a huge deal, especially if you see him getting really chatty with a father figure in your life. The traditional way to go with engagements is to get the approval of the father first. 

He Mentions The Bigger Picture 

If your man starts mentioning things about the future, what type of house you'll be living in, and the money he sees you both making a few years down the line, he has probably made up his mind that he'll be proposing to you pretty soon. 

He Becomes More Agreeable

All relationships can have friction from time to time, even if it seems so light that it's something you both can have fun with. But when your man is about to propose to you, he'll be extra careful to make sure that things are going as smoothly as possible with you. He needs you to say yes to his big question, so it may seem like he's saying yes to everything you as! 

He Does Something Odd Relating To Ring Sizing 

As I mentioned, my husband was not slick with the ring sizing secrecy. I'll admit that it was a tough question to crack since I didn't wear rings before we got married. Many guys will draw a blank when to comes to a slick way to get your ring size. 

He Seems To Be Saving Up Money 

Is your man being a bit more frugal than usual, and you don't know the reason? He may be saving up for something special, like an engagement ring. If he's saving for something else, you would likely be in on the details.

He's More Secretive Than Usual

This directly ties into my last point. If you notice he's secretive about his shopping and browsing habits, an upcoming engagement might be the reason. He may even start hiding his phone to make sure he doesn't slip up. This could be something else entirely, though, so make sure you're jumping to a likely conclusion. 

Personalized Ads Start Reading Your Mind

If you do come across his phone, or computer, or happen to share his wifi, personalized ads can really give stuff away. If he were shopping for engagement rings online, many advertisers would remind him of that with banner ads on all types of social sites and blogs. 

He's Planning Around A Special Day Or Trip

Is there a holiday coming up that he's being extra dramatic about this year for some reason? Is there a trip he's planning that's weirding you out because he's rarely the one to plan trips, especially if it seems particularly fancy for no specific reason? he may have gotten you a ring already. 

He Brings Up Your Past Good Times Together

People love to reminisce about the good times when they are at significant stages in their lives. Your man has probably spent some time going over all the ways your relationship makes him happy and wants to share some of those moments with you by default out of love.

He Starts To Act More Maturely

Now that he's looked back over his life and he's thinking things over, your boo will be in the mindset of getting himself together as a man to prepare for this crucial moment in his journey. He may make better financial choices, learn things around the house, and even improve communication. 

He Starts Looking Extra Good

A man that is planning to win you over and make you say yes to one of the most important questions he'll ever ask in his life is likely to try and look his absolute best around that time as well. Looking better will help him feel better, and make him a more attractive mate that you can agree to marry. 

He's More Touchy-Feely When You're Together

Men who are looking forward to getting married can often show their excitement in the form of mental touch and physical closeness. He wants to be your physical security and protector, and he thrives on the idea that you will be all his. 

He Gives You a Meaningful Stare Now More Than Ever

Not only can men get touch-feely when they are in love and about to give you an engagement ring, but they get a sort of twinkle in their eye that can be a bit transparent if you know how to read them well enough as a partner. You'll see the whirlwind of happiness and visions of your future together in his gaze back at you.  

He Gives Off Nervous Energy 

You'll probably see him being a little nervous and unlike himself, if he's near the time when he wants to propose to you. People give off nervous energy in a variety of different ways depending on their personality traits. He may be more chatty or less. He may be more chipper or more worried. 

He's Seemingly In Cahoots With Your Friend(s)

While guys like to go to the family members for approval, they also tend to go for the best friends when it comes to ring choices and plans for the day that they will propose. People in relationships have a general consensus that your friends will know more about what you want than your family would, but it's all case by case. 

He Talks About Family And Marriage, Seriously 

A lot of new couples get together and chat about having babies and getting married early on. Many of us have gone that far, even on the first date. But there's a subtle change in the marriage and family talk when they mean it. It's a little less cutest and more concrete with the plans.

Your Intuition Is Going Off

Intuition can be a crazy thing that some people don't believe exists at all. I've often found that intuition can be paranoia, which is all in your head, but I've also seen that it can be a response to genuine non-verbal communication signals. 

Your Relationship Is Going Really Well

If the natural progression of things seems like it is heading towards marriage based on all of your previous successful days together, then that may be enough of a sign in itself. As long as you both are on the same page in terms of communication, you can truly be like a mind-reader and know that the ring is coming!

Relationship Check-In Questions 

Check-ins are crucial with your partner, no matter where you two are located, what stage you're at in the relationship, or how well you think you know they are doing. You'd be surprised what revelations can come about with some routine chatting. 

Life rarely allows us to calm down and get a chance to chat with the love of our life for hours at a time. That's why it's a great idea to set aside minutes throughout your days when you can dedicate your time, energy, and full attention to a productive conversation. 

Here are some check-in questions that stood out to my husband and me while we were on the lookout for great ways to get to know what our feelings are throughout the days. The goal is to check in at least once a week at the very least, but multiple times a week is even better. 

Check-in Questions About The Relationship

How do you think we are doing in terms of friendship?

Do you feel loved in your top love languages?

Is there anything I do that you'd like me to change?

How do you think we are doing in terms of intimacy? 

What are your goals for our relationship?

Did we make enough time for closeness and connection this week? Should we do more next week?

Check-in Questions About Career

What do you currently feel is your purpose in life?

Is there anything that you'd like to be acknowledged or appreciated for?

Are we satisfied with the way we've been dividing household roles and responsibilities?

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing but haven’t done yet?

Check-in Questions About Mental Health 

What are your main stressors right now? How can I help?

Are you currently feeling insecure about anything?

Are you coping well with the daily grind?

Do you need space for yourself?

What are you looking forward to in the coming week?

Check-in Questions About Family And Friends 

Are we feeling good about ourselves as a parenting team?

Is there anything we’ve been avoiding?

What are your thoughts on kids/marriage/splitting our finances?

Do you feel like we've made enough time for each other in balance with our social life this week?

Tips For Check-In Questions 

It is important to check on your status with one another when it comes to romance and intimacy, but don't forget that your partner is like your best friend as well. It's great to check in about all sorts of things, including finances, emotions, religion, politics, family life, and so much more. 

When you are both on the same terms in terms of your spiritual bond, your romantic bond, and your friendship bond, communication can likely become easier since you both can anticipate one another's needs. Without this open conversation, things can get lost without translation.

It may seem awkward, but it's important to be honest when answering the questions. Complete transparency will help you and your lover and can really get rid of tension you may be harboring. 

The more consistent you can be with your check-ins, the better. The more you can personalize your list of check-in questions to your and your partner's needs, the better. 

You'll be surprised how easy a question can seem week after week until something in your life happens that makes that same question hit you completely differently. That will be the moment you need to confide in your partner the most. 

The end of the day, when you both are in bed, could be the perfect time to check in if you both aren't the types to fall asleep or drift off during the conversation. The dinner table is also a great place for check-ins, especially if you don't have kids. 

Thanks for visiting my site!

This is my first blog ever, and if you've happened to come across it, I'm both surprised and honored! I don't have much to say in this first entry; it's more of a test run for what's to come.

If you'd like to get details and my husband and me, feel free to visit the about us page. There you can get a few details on why I made this site and where we are in our relationship! 

I'm super excited to write my thoughts, which I hope can prove to be helpful content that other people can relate to. My overall goal for this blog is to promote positivity when it comes to familial love and self-love. 

Stay tuned for more updates in categories that will include topics about marriage, engagement, wedding planning, self-love, and more!